Take a Chill Pil(ates)

I was wrapping up my work day a few weeks ago and chatting with my friend Molly about the gym we both go to.  You guys remember Molly, right?  She mentioned that she was going to a pilates class with her friend Kristen and that I should join them.  I thought, Hey, I've been working on my core, this should be great.  Plus, my mom and my sister looooove their pilates class so it must be good :)  So I said "sure".

We met at the gym and went into the torture chamber pilates studio.  The lights were dim and a number of people were already stretching on their mats.

So peaceful...

We found a spot that let us be side by side...right at the front and centre of the class. Awesome.

Our teacher asked those of us who were new to her class if we had ever done pilates before. Now, the truth is, I *had* taken pilates a couple of years ago.  A whole sixteen weeks of it.  I stopped because I didn't feel challenged by it.

I realized the class started when our sweet little teacher started barking orders to do things like hold a crunch while flapping our arms, and count to A HUNDRED. That exercise is called-shockingly- 'hundreds' (but I'm just calling it 'a really long time'...who's with me??)  I jumped in enthusiastically because this was going to be an awesome workout.  And then, after about ten minutes of keeping every fibre between my ribcage and my pelvis tight enough to play a rousing round of "Dueling Banjos", the teacher stated that we had completed our warm-up and were ready to:

Pardonnez-moi?? That was *the warm-up*??

It's all a bit of a blur, but I do remember the roll-ups (and I wish I was talkin' bout fruit roll-ups.  You know, those snacks you roll out, some have little tattoos you can make on your tongue...but I digress).

You guys, I am not lying when I say that *everyone* else in the class balanced back and forth gracefully, like those little glass birds that tip forward into a cup of water:

*I* was more the little birdie that couldn't.

Another fun pose I "learned"?
Balance on your "sit bones" (yoga and pilates are all about the sit bones), straighten one leg and hold it.  Now straighten the other so your legs make a V. Now gently rock back and forth...

Yuh-huh.

We finally got a reprieve from all that rolling around on our backsides and it was time to roll onto our, well, just our sides. Simple enough, right? Now all that was asked was to lift BOTH legs at the same time and point them to the corner of the mat...without wobbling or falling over. After completing failing miserably at that task,

I tried to follow along as quietly as possible. This worked for about 10 seconds, until I pointed my toe and my foot curled up tighter than an armadillo in the middle of a biker bar parking lot.

Seriously. Who gets a foot cramp while lying on the floor??
(Well, what has two thumbs and poufy hair?)

I wouldn't say I did well during that class but I would say that I finished that class.  I suppose the *nice* thing about pilates is that it seems like there are three levels of difficulty for every pose.

Level 1 a.k.a. OPTION A

Level 2 a.k.a OPTION B

Level 3 a.k.a. OPTION C

In. My. Dreams. But honestly? Not even then...

Finally, I feel the need to apologize to spinners and all manner of indoor cyclists* for calling y'all disturbed:  Mr. Joseph Pilates was one crazy mo-fo, and his disciples are a little coo-coo for core work.  But hey, I really like weird people, so you, pilates-lovers, have my respect.


*I had a reader point out to me in some detail that the class I took was not an actual SPIN class so I do not want to offend...or risk litigation.


UPCOMING POSTS:


MORE CYCLING, BOTH INDOOR AND OUT